here are some additional excuses you can use:
1) Transactional malleability is making all transactions male therefore half of them need to be stopped to make it gender-neutral.
2) Unpaid fees and shipping costs and unsold Black Friday inventory is straining the PHP code so there is going to be a Christmas sale to allow you to repurchase all your shares and start over again.
3) Bitcoin XT fork requires IBM PC XT for transaction processing and it is very very slow.
4) Upcoming Bitcoin block halving is obviously halving everything and together with the recent Litecoin block halving this is creating a transdimensional hyperfud wormhole.
This should get you to June next year. Then reshuffle and repeat.
Send my consulting fee to the usual address. Thx.