Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant...


@HillbillyJoker this one is for you buddy :laughing:

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, Kin ya breathe?
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it!


A redneck walks into a bar and orders a drink.
“Anything else I can get you, handsome,” asks the waitress.
'Well ma’am, I could sure use a nice piece of ass," replies the redneck.
She nods and takes him into the back room where they both ■■■■ like rabbits.
“Now, is there anything else I can get for you,” says the waitress.
“Thank you kindly ma’am, I could still use that piece of ass ‘cos mah drink is gettin’ mighty warm,” says the redneck.


“If you think ‘loading the dishwasher’ means ‘getting your wife drunk’, you might be a redneck”


An old timer was sitting in his rocking chair on his front portch when a kid comes walking by with something in his hands.

The old timer asks the kid, “Hey son. Whatcha got there?”

The kid replies, “I got me some chicken wire. I’m gonna catch me some chickens.”

The old timer responds, “Oh son, you can’t catch no chickens with chicken wire.”

A short time later the old timer sees the kid come back with a bunch of flapping chickens all caught up in the chicken wire.

“Well, I’ll be…’” says the old timer scratching his head.

The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer. This time he has something round and gray in his hands.

The old timer shouts out to the kid, “Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands this time?”

The kid responds, “I got me some duct tape. I’m gonna catch me some ducks.”

The old timer laughs, “Son, you can’t catch no ducks using duct tape.”

A short time later the kid comes back with a bunch of ducks caught-up and quacking in the duct tape."

The old man cannot believe his eyes.

The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer, again with something in his hands.

The old timer shouts out to the kid, “Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands today?”

The kid shouts back to the old timer, “I got me some ■■■■■ willow.”

The old timer shouts out, “Hold on son…while I get my hat!”


Q: What does a redneck do when his dishwasher stops working?
A: Slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.



FOUL!! Yellow Card!


Redneck went to the doctor Anant’s office to ask for a triple dose of
Viagra.The doctor told him that he couldn’t allow him a triple dose.

"Why not?’ asked Redneck

"Because it’s not safe,’ replied the doctor Anant

"But I need it really bad,’ said Redneck

"Well, why do you need it so badly?’ asked the doctor Anant

answered, “My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will
be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can’t you
see? I must have a triple dose.”

On Monday, Redneck dragged himself in to the doctor’s office, his right arm in a sling.

The doctor asked, “What happened to you?”

Redneck said, “No one showed up.”


A Hillbilly swatted at his Hillbilly wife, with a flyswatter.
She said get that dirty thing away from me, you’ve been out swatten’ flies.
He said, Yep I got me two male flies, and three female flies today.
The Hillbilly wife asks him, how’d ya know what the sex of the flies were?
He said, well I swatted two on my beer so I know those were males, and three were on the phone, so I knew those were females. :blush:


A redneck goes into a bar to have himself a cold one.
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the bar and asked," Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?"
The redneck said it was his.
“Your dog seems to be in heat” the officer said.
He replied, "No way… She’s cool 'cause she’s tied up under that shade tree."
The policeman said, “No! You don’t understand. Your dog needs to be bred.”
“No way,” he replies, "That dog doesn’t need bread. She isn’t hungry ‘cause I fed her this morning’."
The exasperated policeman said, "NO! You don’t understand; your dog wants to have sex!"
He looks at the cop and said, “Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.”


If you mow your lawn & find a car, you might be a redneck.






Rednecks + selfie sticks = pure entertainment :smile:



“If you’ve ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.”


LOL :laughing: